Friday, December 27, 2013

I dialed my Crazy back this post-Christmas

You would be so proud of me. I did not rush out to Target to be there at 6:50am and wait for the store to open at 7am. In fact, I got there late. Granted it was like 7:15, but that still qualifies as late.

I really didn't need too much in the way of Christmas decor, however I did snag up some cute lighted marquee stars that I will use for our Fourth of July party.
(Not my house but totally cute usage of the star)
I also needed to restock my wrapping paper and scotch tape supply. I decided next year I am going will all plain papers and big decorative ribbon as the WOW factor on my gift wrapping.
 Next step in my post Holiday shopping...wait until Target marks all of their Christmas stuff 90% off and then pounce on the leftover ornaments to use as part of my gift wrapping embellishment. 

Monday, December 23, 2013

How To Store Extra Paint

Because the Holiday time is exactly when people go through their houses and reorganize it.......

Ok, so my timing is a little off, but I just LOVE organizing.  Plus this little tip is great for the ladies who have always wanted to put a girly touch in their garage without their husband's freaking out. Ugh, if only I could get in there and redo all his tools and hardware without him noticing. know all of those leftover gallon buckets of paint we all have that only have a little bit of paint left in them?

They take up so much space and are a pain in the tooter to open when you need them only for a tiny touch-up because someone drunkenly fell off your dining nook chair and scuffed the wall. (Don't worry S.P. your secret is safe with me.)

Put the leftover paint into cute little mason jars and make sure to label the room and paint color. BAM! So much space now to store more tools that you can use to build awesome projects you found on Pinterest.

Such an easy and effective project. Just try not to be quite as messy as I was...

Friday, December 20, 2013

My Screwed Up Bucket List

Are you one of those people who have a bucket list of exciting adventures you want to do before you die? Skydiving? Visit Australia? Snuggle a baby panda? 

I too have a bucket list...mine is slightly more attainable, and completely more screwed up!

Walk up to a random child eating ice cream, smack the entire cone out of their
hand, and then just keep walking.

At a theme park, get a running start and tackle a big furry character to the ground.
Perhaps for an added bonus I would then steal its head in victory.
Pee in every ocean.
Get a group of friends together, fill balloons with paint, then go into a random
grocery store and have an epic paint balloon battle.
Walk into a busy restaurant and swat a try full of food from a server's hand.
Meet the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Punch them all in the face.

What's on your bucket list?

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

DIY Gift Tags...for FREE!!!

They don't call me a genius for nothing. What's that you say? HOGWASH! Of course everyone calls me a genius!!

It's that time of year again where you get Christmas cards piling in to your mailbox and you put them on your fridge for a month until you finally decide to throw them away. 

Well now you have options. Make them into FREE gift tags to use for next year! 
I went to Michaels and bought a tag shaped stamper and it has supplied my gift tags for years now. 
(Make sure you use a 40% off coupon from Michaels or Jo-Anns)
Once you stamp out the tags from the cards (I normally get three tags from each card), you can use a hole punch to simply punch a hole for the ribbon to affix the tag to your future gifts.

Some pretty wrapping paper and a fabulous bow and you are on your way to having the best wrapped gift at any event. Yes, I do compete with everyone at Showers and Holidays to see who has the best wrapped gift. Granted they don't know they are in competition with me...but I know...I know.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

The Secrets to Wedded Bliss

As of yesterday my husband and I have been married for seven years. I'm pretty sure that now makes me an expert on everything to do with holy matrimony. 

It's okay to go to bed angry. There is just no reason to stay up all night arguing in circles. You will need your rest in order to plot your revenge for the morning.

Men: If your wife asks you something...just tell the truth. We already know the answer. Women: If your husband asks you's literally because they have no idea. Or it's something you've already told them 10 times before and they weren't listening.

Sometimes, if you're right (or most of the time if you're the wife)...just shut up. They will get to it on their own. Men, if you are wrong the first time, just try doing it the way your wife told you to in the first place. 

Marriage means having to go sit through three hour movies about Hobbits or Wizards. You can only hope that they have at least cast Channing Tatum, or the movie theater is empty so you can play on your phone.

Your "Honey Do" list often turns into your "Honey Look What I Attempted To Do And Now I Need You To Clean Up My Mess" list. At least you tried though.

You know you love your spouse because they are one of the only people you will actually pick up your phone for rather then sending them to voicemail and wondering why they didn't just text you. 

And finally, you know you are in a happy marriage when you have caught yourself apologizing to your spouse for something they actually did wrong. I can't explain the rationalization behind this one...if you've been there, you just know.

Happy Seven Years to my amazing husband who is truly my happily ever after.


Friday, December 13, 2013

Five On Friday

Oh hey Rebecca Black...what day is it?
and 'We We We So Excited"

I have five random items for you this Friday:

1. I went to a drive thru last week and ordered a drink and some food. Drove up to the window, payed, got my food and then left. I quickly noticed they forgot to give me my drink so I pulled into a parking spot and went inside to get it. The girl working the drive thru told the other employee that "oh, she didn't want it". Yes sweetie...I often go to drive thrus, pay for drinks and then speed off laughing. Seriously?

2. I strive to be as lovably snarky as Andy Cohen. (Note the condescending "sweetie" in #1)

3. Rebecca Black has made a new song, Saturday. I am waiting until Saturday before I listen to it. I just know it will have a profound effect on my life...

4. This:

5. I still have a bad habit of talking to my parents and husband in baby voice. One time, I called what I thought was my husband's phone but I accidentally dialed his work line at the hospital. When a guy picked up (I assumed it was him) I sang into the phone in baby voice. The person asked me if I was drunk and hung up. Oh, and they have caller ID. I was mortified.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Parent's Just Don't Understand

Have you ever tried to help your parents with any form of technology? It's like trying to teach an infant to compose a symphony. Except there is no Baby Einstein dvd you can just pop in for them. (Age check: I originally typed "video" and had to go back and correct it...ugh, I'm old.)
My dad was in need of a new cell phone so I gave him my old iPhone that I was no longer using. Should be easy enough for him, right? Nice big screen, he is only going to use the phone feature. God forbid he learn how to text, let alone use that cockamamie Internet thing. 

Alas, my dad was not impressed with the iPhone. Sorry Steve Jobs. So what does he do? He takes the iPhone into the mall to one of those phone kiosks and trades it in. He was so excited with the "great deal" he got on his trade in. They gave him a new phone for FREE in exchange for his iPhone. Beaming with pride from his wheeling and dealing he pulls out his new flip phone. Seriously? Is that a Razr? Do they still make those? Way to go Zack Morris...1991 has nothing on you.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

DIY Light Wall...SPOILER ALERT: It's a wall of lights

'Tis the Season for festive merriment and audacious displays of lights!
(Superheroes not included)
Fine, I made this light wall in October, but it was a Halloween Party HIT! It all started one night when I was watching some D-rate movie about a high school reunion. There they were standing in front of what looked like a waterfall of Christmas lights. From there I simply HAD to have it. Sadly this was in June and strings of Christmas lights were no where to be found in stores. I slipped in to my patience pants and waited until October...then it was GO time!!

  • 2 pieces of wood that measure the distance you from one end of the wall to the next
  • Strings of LED Christmas lights (you must use LED because you will need to attach lots of strings together)
  • Hooks
Take each piece of wood and measure out where you want each hook. I did a hook every 1.5" apart...which resulted in 90 hooks that needed to be put into each piece of wood (top piece and bottom piece). I pre-drilled all of the holes to screw the hooks into, but about 5 hooks in my hands were already blistered and hurting. No worries, only 175 more hooks to go! 

Once you have all the hooks in, simply hang one piece of wood to the ceiling of where your wall will be and put the other piece of wood on the ground below it.

Finally, just wind your string lights up and down from the hooks. When you get to the top or bottom, space them out by stringing them through the next hook to the side. 

There you you have your Christmas Light Wall / Romantic backdrop for al fresco dining / Backdrop for Party Pictures / Twinkle-torium!!! 

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

I'm Too Immature For Crossfit

I have determined that I am FAR too immature for Crossfit. The stuff that comes out of people's mouths just cracks me up, but when I look around to see if anyone else is giggling I always find myself alone.

Example 1: I was mid workout when two boys were talking about which movements tire them out faster. "Snatch is faster than Jerk". Yes, I would hope snatch would get you there faster then jerking. What? I'm the only one with the mind of a middle school boy around here?!

Example 2: The trainer is trying to convince me that the squats I am about to do will help my stiff gluteal muscles. "Just think of the squats as opening up your butt". Umm, no thank you. I would like to keep my butt nice and closed.

Example 3: In order to roll out a sore muscle in their hip flexor, someone is rolling on a lacross ball on the ground to the point where it simply looks like they are humping the floor. Am I the only one seeing this?!

Then they go and name half the workouts after girls!

Trainer "We're going to do Annie this week."
Student "What? We just did Annie last month, we can't do the same girl." is nobody responding with 'yea, I keep my girls in heavy rotation' and then walking out with a pimp limp?!

 Maybe I just need to grow up...or not.

Monday, December 9, 2013

DIY No Sew Ruffle Christmas Tree Skirt

I needed a new tree skirt very badly. I got the tree skirt I have now back in the day when I had a fiber optic Christmas tree. Yeah, wrap your head around that tackiness. 

I loved the monogrammed tree skirt at Pottery Barn, but surely I could create a tree skirt I loved just as much for less than $130. Sadly I have never used a sewing machine, so that limits my craftiness. (One day I will learn, I swear)

After a quick trip to Jo-Ann Fabrics and I was set with all I needed to make my NO SEW ruffle tree skirt. Pssh, no sewing, this has to be easy, right? WRONG!! This was a very tedious and time consuming project. But it was worth it in the end.

Supplies Needed:
  • 2 yards of burlap
  • 2 yards of fabric with a little bit of density to it
  • hot glue gun with hot glue sticks out the butt (seriously, you need a lot)
  • your old tree skirt
  • pins (optional, but it makes life a lot easier)

Start by cutting your strips. I used 3" strips, but it's up to you how big you want your ruffles. If you make smaller strips, you will need  more fabric. When you start cutting the burlap be prepared to have little strings your hair, on the floor, stuck to the dogs butt. Everywhere.

Once you have your strips cut, you can opt to pre-pin your ruffles. I did so only with the burlap. Simply because it was easier to have your ruffles pre-made then to burn off your fingerprints each time you try to hold a ruffle down after hot gluing it. Although if you plan on leading a life of crime after making this tree skirt then go ahead and skip this step.
There is no rhyme or reason to my ruffles...I just kind of did them. I started off thinking I would measure them to make sure they were all the same size, but then I remembered I'm lazy.

Now you are ready to create your skirt. Simply take your old tree skirt and start hot gluing your ruffles to it. Fair Warning: the first layer takes the longest. It honestly took me around an hour for the first layer. It was at this point that I was questioning my sanity. However the subsequent layers go much quicker. If you are able to sew, you can most certainly sew your ruffles on. Why don't you go ahead and brag about it too. But good luck sewing the burlap, I have a feeling it won't be fun.

Alternate your fabrics so it gives depth to the tree skirt. Here is my skirt four layers in. I watched Life of Pi while making my skirt and I cried twice. Once when I burned the crap out of my finger, and once when the tiger was going to die. Poor tiger.

If I haven't scared you completely out of making this tree skirt yet, then let me just reiterate, I would totally do it all over again. Well, I wouldn't watch Life of Pi again, but that has nothing to do with the actual craft.

Once you get done with your skirt you will need to trim all of the loose edges of the burlap. Now remember, this is burlap, and all the 'roughness' of it is part of its don't go crazy trying to get them all.
Santa better put all my gifts to the side of my tree skirt so he doesn't smoosh it, or he and I may come to blows.

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Christmas Came Early!!!

I'm just minding my own business, sitting on the couch in the same pajamas I've been wearing for two days now when a ray of light shines down on me and a choir of angels fill my ears. It must be a miracle.

It's nearly as good as if they were making a sequel to The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia. As I have mentioned before I have an affinity for hot messes.

This show has everything you need: ex-strippers, chick fights, mobile homes, blinged out everything, intelligent conversation, a brood of kids so big you can no longer tell who are siblings and who are cousins...and to be honest, I don't think they really care either way. 

As if that wasn't enough, Santa decided I was EXTRA good this year, because Amanda Bynes is free again!! Free to roam the streets lighting fires in driveways. Free to post her every bit of crazy on Instagram.
  Oh, I can only imagine the holiday antics she will get in to, that little rascal!

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Where's Robin Leach When You Need Him?

Sure, I'm neither Rich nor Famous...but Robin Leach could still do me a solid and help me give a Christmas tour of my home. Alas, I'm on my much for "champagne wishes and caviar dreams". I've completed all of our holiday decorating and figured I would give you guys a sneak peek. While I would love to invite you all over for a drink, that could get a little creepy, seeing as this is the Internet and all. So go ahead and make yourself a hot toddy, then come back to the computer and scroll through these pictures while imagining some delightful banter between us. 

Ahh, I see you've found your way to my front likey? Luckily these poinsettias don't need to last for more than a month because I don't plan on watering them.

  As you make your way through the foyer you will notice that big fake tree. Yep, I'm a fake tree fan. Here's why: My dog, Britney Spears, loves to urinate on nature. Any sort of nature. If there is the tiniest of leaf on the sidewalk, she pees. Why tempt fate? 

The stockings were hung by the chimney weird indent in wall with care.

Please, follow me this way to our living room. Don't worry about going upstairs, it's just a man cave...lame. A craft cave would have been way cooler.

Sit down for a moment and take note of this awesome pillow I got from Pier One. What's better than a Christmas pillow? A Christmas pillow that I sewed Jingle Bells on. You have to add flair to your uniform people.

Now this next picture is a decorating tip I like to call "Put sh*t in sh*t". Try and follow me here...take stuff, and put it in other stuff. Note the bells in the vase, bows and figurines in apothecary jars, and berries in a candle holder. Ta da, you're festive!

Oh, and ornaments in a lantern...that's part of that whole theory also.

This has been Frugal Musing's edition of Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous/Parade of Homes/MTV Cribs minus all the luster and celebrity. Pssh, who wants to see all of that anyways when you can see my $40 Jim Shore figurines.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Christmas Mailbox Swag

Think about all the hard work your poor little mailbox does. It gets stuffed full of magazines, bills, credit card applications, and every once in a while a free sample. But what do YOU do for your mailbox? Well, you could dress it up for Christmas! I mean really, we dress up our pets and our houses...why shouldn't our mailboxes have some swag?!

For this craft I went to Jo-Ann Fabric and picked up a plain green swag (it's actually called that) and a couple berry picks. From there I just chose the mid point of the swag and bent the branches opposite ways to depict that mid point. Next I just wrapped the stick part of the berry picks in the middle and draped them down spreading them out along the way.
Super Simple So Far (please read that with a makes it a lot more fun!)
Next you need to make a big puffy ribbon for the top. Loop the ribbon around itself A LOT and then cut slits in the middle. I used green wire to attach to the swag and then puffed it out the loops to make my bow.
That's it! You're done! Set that bad boy on top of your mailbox and call it a day. In fact, I got a compliment on mine from my neighbor which I smugly replied "oh thanks, I made that" and then strutted back inside only to find that my ego would no longer fit through the door.

Monday, December 2, 2013

How To Be Ridiculously Good Looking In Every Picture

Do you ever look at pictures of yourself and think:

"Wow, I don't remember being quite that ugly that day"


"When did I grow a third chin?!"

Some people blame it on not being photogenic, and granted, some are inherently more photogenic than others...but that's why we all need to PRACTICE!

Just follow my simple rules to practicing your posing:

1. Never let anyone catch you practicing in the's embarrassing, trust me. 

2. Teach your friends/significant others to always take a picture angled down. Not only will it hide any double chin, but it's also a great party trick to say..."look what I taught them!"

3. When posing with groups, get in the middle!! Never let them stick you on an end. Your skinny friends will bitch about always having to be the end, but you don't really feel bad for them, do you?!

4. When locked safely in the bathroom when no one is home, practice your smile. Don't go full cheese and head on...give yourself a little downward tilt of the chin while still keeping a long neck. It's important to practice this one because there is a fine line between perfection and creepy. 

5. Wipe your face girl!! No one wants to look at a picture of an oily, sweaty mess. Dab it down, especially if you have been out dancing...or simply live in Florida.

6. Master your ugly face. It is inevitable that some one will insist on taking a 'goofy picture' you need to be prepared for such an emergency. I like to go to my patented GRR face. I've been using it since 2001 and it hasn't failed me yet. 

Ok...maybe I use that one a little too much...